Who do you want to be?
by Heather Perrin
Who do you want to be?
Has anyone ever asked you that? How would you answer? Take a minute and think about it. What words do you hope people use to describe you when they talk about you? How do you hope people remember you at the end of your life?
Are you getting closer to those things? Are you kinder, more generous, loving, or peaceful today than you were five years ago?
What about your love for God? Have you grown in your desire to spend time with Him? Do you more readily call to Him in prayer? In praise? Are you quicker with a word of encouragement or a loving challenge in your relationships?
Why or why not?
This isn’t a test, and there aren’t any grades to give out, so don’t fret. But if you’re like me, the honest answer to many of these things is that I’m not as far along as I’d like to be. I feel frustrated that I still struggle with some of the same things I have carried for years. That I am slow to forgive, quick to snap in irritation at my children, and plagued by the ever-present monster called What-People-Think-Of-Me.
Is change really possible?
In the Southern Baptist church I grew up in, we sang a song called “Walking with Jesus.” It was a fun, upbeat song that described our life as a road we walked with, or following, Jesus. Walking a road of discipleship is a fairly common metaphor, and it captures part of what life with God entails: progress from one place to another, a continual journey, intentional steps.
What happens when you stand still on a road? You don’t go forward, but you don’t go backward either. You just stay put. I think we imagine our life like that road –
I haven’t made much progress in my anxious tendency to control my life, but I don’t think I’ve gone backward
I am not any kinder to the coworker that drives me crazy, but I haven’t put his stapler in jello lately
I don’t see any change in my struggle with lust, but I haven’t acted on my impulses
I still feel like I’m talking to the ceiling when I try to pray, but I guess that’s just how it is for me
Life is busy and hard and draining, and so we think if we’re not “walking forward” and growing in love, holiness, and victory over sin, then at least we’re not going backward. After all, we are saved by grace, not by works.
But if I stand back and look at my life, my thoughts, desires, interests, and pet peeves, I do see change. Some for the better, but often, not in the direction I intended, and not toward the ideals I see in Jesus’ and the apostles’ teaching.
Every metaphor has its limits, right? As I’ve been “walking with Jesus” for more than 20 years, I’m realizing it often is less like a road to walk and more like a river flowing fast and taking me with it. I’m swimming in a current that is swiftly carrying me to places I did not intend to go. My goal hasn’t changed, I still desire to reach the other shore where I am a person who looks like Jesus, but the water around me doesn’t stand still–it is moving relentlessly away from who I want to be.
I see two major reasons for this:
An understanding of salvation that doesn’t extend to my actual life
The strong “current” or the world, the flesh, and the devil
The Gospel for All of Life
We believe that the gospel changes everything. But how does that belief extend to the actual person I am becoming? Do I believe that the gospel is the power of God that can actually change my character? My natural reaction to someone offending me? My capacity for love, generosity, and forgiveness?
While we don’t actively teach this, I think many of us functionally believe that we are too far gone to really change. We confess that the gospel changes everything, but we also believe that our ongoing struggle with sin is not something we can do much about. We’re going to struggle with sin until Jesus comes back, so there’s not much point in fighting it.
May it never be! The New Testament is filled with calls to transformation that are rooted in what Jesus has accomplished on our behalf (Matthew 5, John 15, Ephesians 4, Romans 6, 1 Timothy 6).
Jesus has rescued us from the penalty of sin (Ephesians 2), but he has also rescued us from the power of sin now (Romans 6). By His grace through His Spirit, He is enabling His people to actually be transformed (Romans 12:1-2). Right now.
The World, The Flesh, and the Devil
These are just shorthand for describing the river we are swimming in. “The world” is the human systems, cultures, and ideas that are twisted by sin and separated from the good design of God. “The flesh” is the sin-stained human nature that we carry in our bodies: the temptations, habits, and misshapen desires of our fallen selves. “The devil” is the actual enemy of God who is at work in the world to steal, kill, and destroy the people God made and loves.
Nothing to shake a stick at. Our obstacles are significant. But the first point we saw – that the gospel really is the power of God to change us as well as save us – is the bright, shining light in the darkness of these realities. Our enemies are formidable, but they have already been defeated. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus (Romans 8).
Swimming Upstream, and Growing Fruit
The reality is that you and I are not in neutral. It is impossible to stand still in life – we are being pulled and shaped and formed in a million ways every day. The information we consume, the thoughts we ruminate on, the atmosphere of our home and workplace, the songs we sing, the ways we gather as a church, and a thousand other factors are actively contributing to who we are becoming.
Since I’m already mixing metaphors, I’ll leave you with one more. Jesus tells us in John 15 that He is the vine, and we are the branches. Whoever is connected to the vine will bear fruit, but apart from that connection, we are fruitless, lifeless.
The promise here is that Jesus is the source of the fruit – not our effort. It doesn’t matter how disciplined your life is, apart from abiding in Him, you can’t bear the fruit He talks about. Likewise, no matter how disorderly your vineyard may be, vines bear fruit. So if you belong to Him and are united to Him, you can be confident that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). He is at work, and He cares more about your transformation than you do. This is very good news.
So consider spiritual formation like the trellis you build for your vine. The practices, ideas, and habits we implement will never cause the fruit to grow, but they create space for the vine to flourish and bear fruit that nourishes everyone around.