The Tricky Problem of Pride

by Jalen Gardner

I have a pride problem.

Whenever I see another friend in ministry doing well, I can’t help but wonder:
Why are they so much better than me?
Why are they a better communicator?
Why did their youth group grow faster?
Why are they in a senior pastor role while I’m still “just hanging out with the youth”?

These thoughts fill me with frustration, like I’m not doing enough or I’m simply not enough. Then, just as quickly, my mind flips. Suddenly, I’m better than them. Smarter. More engaging. They just got lucky, right? I’m at a smaller church because I’m more gifted and God knew I’d make the most of less.

In trying to encourage myself, I become a boastful hypocrite, looking down on others’ flaws while ignoring my own. My mind becomes a pendulum, swinging from celebrating others to despising myself to quietly exalting myself onto a pedestal. Most of the time, I’m pretty even-keeled. I’m a “go with the flow” type guy. When strong leaders are around, I don’t mind stepping back. I actually enjoy watching others thrive. I love learning from how they lead, process, and communicate.

But even in that admiration, pride whispers:
”You could’ve said it better.”
”You could’ve shut down their argument.”

Then, just as fast, another voice shows up:
“You’re an idiot.”
“You don’t belong here.”
“You’re a fraud.”
“Just stay invisible.”

And somehow, those lies feel more holy, like I’m doing God a favor by staying small and quiet. After all, Jesus took the form of a servant, so isn’t self-deprecation the humble thing to do? But here’s the thing: That isn’t humility. It’s just another form of pride. Self-focused, self-destructive, and completely disconnected from grace.

And in the middle of that mess, God steps in.

He sees me.
He loves me.
He’s proud of me.

Not because I’ve done anything to earn it. But because I’m His. Because I’m His son. And that is where my identity should rest.

What’s the problem?

We chase worth through performance. But God gave us worth through the cross. There’s nothing I could do to earn His love, yet I have it.

Lately, I’ve been trying to confess this kind of pride out loud. I want to bring it into the light. Not so I can shame myself, but so I can hear the Gospel spoken back to me by people I trust when I can’t preach it to myself.

If I’m being honest, this is hard. I want them to see me as strong and secure. I often hesitate to share my struggles because of the role I’m in. Even in writing this, there’s a hesitancy to be fully transparent because I don’t want to let people in. 

Letting people see the real you is scary. It can feel like you’re giving someone ammunition to discredit your calling, your leadership, or your voice, especially when you’re trying to hold others accountable or lead well.

I would rather hold these confessions close to my chest and not let anyone know what my internal thoughts are because it’s dangerous and I can be setting myself up for failure. 

The truth of the matter is I need to be reminded of the truth. 

What’s the answer?

Sometimes I just need to be reminded:

While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8).

Not because He needed my gifts. But because He loved me (John 3:16). And I know others need to be reminded of the same things. Whether your pride is loud and arrogant, or quiet and insecure, it has to die. Only then can you see yourself the way Jesus does.

Don’t cling to what you can do. Cling to the One who already sees, knows, and loves you, apart from anything you can offer. Yes, we’re called to work. But our worth doesn’t come from the work. Since our worth doesn’t come from what we can do and provide, we have nothing to boast about in ourselves, but only in Christ and Christ alone (Galatians 6:14). 

So no matter if I am on top of the world with accomplishments or have a multitude of failures, I can look to Christ as my firm foundation. I can look to Christ for my assurance because if I try to find it in myself, I will find myself on this rollercoaster of pride, wondering where I went wrong. Instead of searching for something special in myself to keep going, I can look to Christ; the One who never leaves, never forsakes, and never stops reminding me that I am loved. The more I can walk in this truth, the better I can acknowledge the gifts that I have, and celebrate the ones I don’t, because I know that Christ is working through them in the same way.  When we are able to love and celebrate each other well, we are able to point each other to the Gospel in a holistic and safe way. None of us are perfect and none of us get it right, but we can look to the One who did and trust in Him. 

If that’s hard for you, invite someone you trust to probe and pick at that part of your heart. It is always healthy to have others who know us that can point out when we are in those seasons by the language we use and how we react to certain things. Sometimes we need others to remind us Who our identity is in.  

Another thing that has helped me is actively celebrating others well in their successes. I find genuine joy in celebrating others and am happy to see them succeed. I always want to uplift and encourage people to continue the path that they are on. When I stop celebrating and thanking God for others, that’s when the cycle begins. 

This is how pride shows up in my life. It may be different in yours. If we are honest, all of us struggle with pride, just in different ways. However it may look for you, fight the urge to give in to pride. The lies pride tells you will rob you of the joy of resting in God’s love and the freedom of being fully known and still fully accepted.